The runaway cow came down the road and he Moo’d “Mooo Mooo”

Grass. I like grass. The farmer always gives us bulls the nicest grass… Well… On occasion we need to jump a fence or two to get it, but it’s worth it in the end.

Our herd is growing fast. No longer with our mothers we frolic and play together and eat our fill. I watch each day as the tractor comes up and down the lane. The farmer and his wolf Tess. She doesn’t like me. She tried to coerce me into the barn in the winter by nipping at my heels. Daft wolf! I decided not to cooperate and gave her a swift kick.

Our herd is grazing in the summer fields now. The boy should be coming on the quad bike to check on us but he is late.

Mmmmmmmmm grass…

What’s that!?

The farmer must have a new tractor. This one is tall and square, it is deafeningly loud and squeals to a halt at the gate. I follow the herd round the new machine to the back. We put cloven hoof to the hard boards of the ramp. It makes me shudder as it quakes under our weight. Inside, the box is cramped but warm and my friends are here.

The engine starts up and the box judders. It is hard to balance. I have to lean on my friends and they on me. We are not long into the journey when I notice the smell. That smell is one that I fear, I dread. I don’t know what it is, but it smells wrong.

The juddering stops and the ramp is lowered. The herd exit the box in a docile manner. None of them seem to realise something is wrong. I know this place. This is the place Ma told me that the bad bulls go. The place we don’t come back from.

I stop.

Grinding my hooves against the footing.


I won’t GO!

Maybe I can convince them I am really a dairy cow?


I think I’ll have to leg it!

I look for my opening, hanging back from the main body of the herd. Stupid animals I think. How can they not see. I see a glimmer of hope, a gap between the side of the box and the wall. Will I fit through? Only one way to find out.

I run, dashing wildly left and right. Disguising where I am heading and then I try my exit. Squeeze through the gap, grazing my sides on the cold hard stone wall.I get through, but there is a gate.

Cows can’t jump.

But I have come this far, and I am NOT going back. I take a dash to it and leap for my life. To my surprise I clear the gate. Cows can’t jump? PAH!

See ya losers!

But just when I think I am free and clear a river of cold slippery tarmac stretches out before me. Cars and lorries everywhere like sharks stalking their hunting ground, just waiting to catch me.

I don’t care. I have to get away from this place, and back to some cool fresh grass. Then I will be ok. So I run dodging this way and that down the endless concrete river. I hear sirens and see flashing lights. They are coming for me. To take me back to that place. So I run faster. I see a sea of grass off to the side and head for that.

Mmmmmm… Grass…..

Ouch! Something bit me………


So here I am in a nice green field. with two sheep and six wives. Heaven. I woke up in a barn. It turns out a local farmer’s wife had seen me and decided to buy me to run with her cows. I couldn’t be happier!